My thoughts today.......

I'm still struggling for words. 

I light your candle.
I feel guilty.

I strive to be better. 

And I miss you. 

Today is R U Ok Day. A day to ask the question. But for me it rang hallow. It's World Suicide Prevention Day and I couldn't stop my friend from feeling there was no other way out. 

It was also a day where our incessant 24 hour new cycle relayed horrific news that at least two women died as a result of domestic violence. 

We need to change the conversation in this country. Our greatest threats are in our own very suburban and ordinary homes. 

Mental illness and domestic violence. The two biggest killers of women under 50 in this country. Both hidden. Both so utterly insidious. And unnecessary. Both with far reaching ripples of pain. 

Thankfully I have never encountered domestic violence. For that I am eternally grateful. I also need to say that in no way am I saying my friend suffered domestic violence. I'm simplying saying that I am sick and tired of brilliant, strong, fragile and vibrant women dying. Daily. 

I do know mental illness tho. I know it well. Too well for comfort. Inside my own head and the effect it has on many of my family and friends.

Mental illness, the disease, robbed me off my friend. And two beautiful boys of their mum. And an entire community of a much loved and talented woman.

And yet finding the good. Coffee with a friend, sunshine, a well cooked meal shared with someone you love, a glass of wine, a cuddle from a toddler or dog, a ridiculous joke that makes you laugh with your whole body, clean sheet day, bacon and eggs, making something, wearing a new dress and love. 

These are things we need to celebrate.

I hope you're ok. And if you're not, that's ok too. But please, please talk to someone.
A mate. A partner. A family member.  A doctor. A professional.

I'm ok.